I've been asked to speak tomorrow morning in front of 200 women. I sort of can't stand public speaking. I know this surprises most people, given how much I enjoy talking. But put a mic in my hind and my stomach does flips and I my brain tries to run away. (Well that actually always happens.) Believe it or not, this includes speaking and singing. I just turn into a ball of nerves. Singing has gotten a little bit better the more I've done it - but speaking? Excuse me, I have to go throw up.
Anyway. I almost said no to this. I feel really inadequate. I was also uncertain about the "audience" I would be speaking to. See, I was asked to speak about one of my favorite topics - adoption! It's really, truly nothing huge. They just want me to share my story. I was hesitant to accept, because I was afraid people wouldn't listen as soon as they found out I was talking about adoption. Unless you want to adopt, you don't usually listen to someone talking about it. But caring for the Orphans has turned into something so much greater for me than adoption. It's that story I want people to hear. It's the story of God's redeeming work in the lives of these children that He loves. I want people to hear the story of His faithfulness not only to them, but to me. His faithfulness to me to be able to live out what He has asked of me. That's where most of us get hung up, if we are honest... trusting God to provide for us when He's called us to do something. I want the women tomorrow to hear just how big of a God we serve. So after much thought, actually, it didn't take much at all - as I quickly heard the Lord reminding me that this story is His, not mine. I don't get to decide who hears it and who doesn't. And I most certainly don't get to decide what is done with my story after I've shared it. That's up to Him and His Spirit. So I got over myself and said yes.
And now I'm scared out of my mind everytime I think about throwing up in front of 200 people.
So if you think about it before tomorrow morning, could you say a prayer for me? Pray that the story of God's faithfulness to the Orphan, both spiritual and earthly orphan, is heard and received. Pray that it spurs even one woman on to be a part of God's work in this area.