(Disclaimer: For those of you who actually read my blog.... I deleted the 3 crazy posts that had a similar title. Aaron called me a narcissist ... but not at all. It just bothers me when I can't understand my own thoughts, let alone plan to show it to my child one day. So this is a new post.)
Psalm 139 is probably one of the more well known Psalms. And of course it is mostly known (I would imagine) for the "You knit me in my mother's womb" verses. And while these are great verses, I feel like the first half of the chapter gets forgotten all too easily. However, this entire chapter has taken on new meaning for me over the past year. I've almost always read these verses with how God views me, or about a child growing in my womb. Only now, I have this new lens to look through as an adoptive mom. I won't type out the entire chapter, because that would be silly. Besides, you should really just get your own Bible off the shelf and read it. It's a beautiful Psalm.
Vs. 4 - 5 : Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
I love these 2 verses. This speaks many different things to me - but the whole "hemming in" concept is particularly fascinating to me. I don't know much about sewing, I've only done it a handful of times in my life. (And to be honest, someone else (Paulajane) usually completes the hard parts for me.) The one thing I do know is that a hem is placed on the front end and the back end to keep everything in the middle from coming undone. This verse tells me that God has done that for me. Aaron and I have a lot on our plates right now, the adoption being the biggest and most obvious to the world around us. And although I can't always see my hem, and I often feel like I'm coming unraveled... I can cling to this verse and know the truth. Especially in this wait - God knows it all.
Okay, now for the part that everyone knows...
vs. 13 - 16: For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.
These verses have really made me think about several different aspects of this adoption. Some happy, some sad. The fact that God knew our days, before they were to be... that is beautiful, and makes me happy. The fact that He knew that for about 4 million children (the number of Orphans in Ethiopia alone), their days would include abandonment, sickness and poverty. And while I understand that such tragedy comes as a result of the fall of man, it still makes me sad. Sad mostly because I don't think this was ever God's plan (duh). Does it bring Him joy to see so many orphaned children?? Of course not. Yet in that, He is moving. He cared enough about the least of these to instruct all through scripture for us to care for them. He cared enough to view all of mankind as orphans. He cared enough to provide a way out... to provide a way to a Daddy. So what else is there to think on then? I think of Malachi's life of course.
Malachi - It makes me so very sad to think of the loss you have to suffer to be part of our family. It makes me so very sad for the loss that your mother and father have to suffer for you to be part of our family. And while part of God working all things together for good means He is graciously going to allow our lives to be knit together, there is sadness that began the process. Even though you weren't knit together in MY womb, you were still knit together. You were still fearfully and wonderfully made. You still had all your days written for you. My prayer for you (one of the many) is that you would know, even now, in the depths of your soul - how wonderful the Lords works are... and how wonderful He made you.... the womb He formed you in is not what made you wonderful... it's the fact that He made you.
I'm sure glad that God is a better knitter, sewer, hemmer than I... after all, I was trying to knit you a blanket Malachi. I gave up after 1 1/2 dinky little squares. I made Paulajane finish it as usual. :)