Someone asked me at church this morning if I already loved Malachi like he was mine. It didn't even take him finishing his question for me to blurt out "YES" !!! He replied with a "wow, cool .... really?" Haha. I went on to try to explain it.
There is some poem out there that talks about an adopted child stating something along the lines of ... while my other children grew UNDER my heart, you grew IN my heart. (Funny how the part of the poem that says "you grew under my heart" doesn't say anything about heartburn!) I've never posted that poem, because it's a little too high on the cheese scale for my liking (no offense to those of you who've posted that poem). Before we entered the adoption process, I had wondered if I would or could love an adopted child as much as my biological children. And to be honest, I had that same fear with every biological child I had .... how could I love her as much as Provi. Then it was how can I love him as much as Eden. Guess what?? I love Eden as much as Provi, and Sam as much as Eden. God began this adoption process by opening a corner of my heart to love yet another child.... as much as Provi, Eden and Sam. As we continued to walk in the process, I began to fall more and more in love with this child of my heart. To the point where now, as I wait for him, I feel like part of me is missing because he isn't here. Part of our family is missing because he isn't here. I don't have to hold him, or know him to know I love him. It's my mother's heart. Malachi's mom at that!