I just can't give up hope yet.......

Today we had a conference call with the adoption agency. I heard many things that renewed my hope of still getting a referral this month. Maybe that isn't a good thing. Maybe for my hearts sake, I should really be giving up hope. I can't. That's all there is to it.

Our agency director stated that they are hoping to get close to 10 referrals out this month. Thus far in June, there have been 6. We are so close!!!! Only 3rd or 4th in line for a boy (to my understanding).

A dear friend who was helping me try to process the idea of hope/faith/reality/guarding my heart, etc., spoke something to me that at the time she spoke it, renewed my hope even more than the conference call. She said to me that I have to believe God could grant our referral this month because that is how much Jesus loves me. And if He doesn't do it, I have to believe He's got a darn good reason why He won't. So true....... except........

Later as I was thinking about that, there were a few things I was convicted of. (And knowing my friend, she wasn't saying any different, I was just interpreting it to fit my needs.) 1) If we get our referral this month, yes Jesus loves me. However, if He wants us to wait for whatever the reason may be (of which I may never know, no matter HOW good His reason is)..... He STILL loves me! 2) There are 6 or 7 TOTAL families in line in front of me. He reminded me that He loves them just as much as He loves me. Thus, I felt convicted to just plead for referrals. Whether it is MY referral, or 6 people standing in line in front of me. Which leads into my last conviction..... 3) Jesus loves all the orphaned children of Ethiopia, including Malachi, more than I do. So my prayers are shifting. I plead to the Lord God Almighty that He would place as many children as possible with a family before the courts shut down. (Remembering that what is possible to God can look very different to what looks possible to man.) There are over 30 adoption agencies worldwide who have an Ethiopia program. I ask that He move mountains to save many many more children before this month is over. I ask that even just one more child could be rescued from the famine, the poverty, the orphanage, the disease stricken land.... and placed into a loving home before the courts close. And of course my heart, as a mom, will be sad if it is not Malachi who is placed. But the moral of the story.... Jesus loves Malachi, Jesus loves all the orphans, Jesus loves the families waiting in line before me, and yes.... Jesus truly loves me.

So again, I have hope still that it will happen this month. I believe that through God's Mighty Hand, it could happen. And I believe that if it doesn't, He will give me the grace I need to make it until November/December (which is when we were told we could expect to travel if we don't get our referral this month). I've dreaded the possibility of waiting through court closures, thinking that I didn't have what it took to wait much more. But in my friends encouragement of how much Jesus loves me, she also reminded me ....

There is no grace for what isn't. (Ponder that for a second....... I will have the grace needed when I need it, because Jesus loves me!!!)