To this I cling

Our adoptions seem to hold individual themes for me. And by theme, I mean one truth being continually beat into my head. To recap from Malachi - the theme was control (my lack thereof to be exact). I walked away proclaiming to any new adoptive family that  "adoption has nothing to do with what you want - and everything to do with the heart of God." In other words, don't try to control this - because it has no part in this journey.

It didn't take long into this second adoption for me to clearly see that God's theme for me was going to be "Faithfulness". One day when this adoption is complete, I plan to have a ridiculously long blog post (you know, because all my blog posts are generally short...) outlining His faithful hand over this adoption. I tear up at the thought of all he has already done. I am learning that God's faithfulness has much less to do with me and my plans (and prayers), and much more with his story unfolding.

There are two extremes in adoption, or at least I've made two extremes. (The story of my life.) One extreme is how I lived through the entire first adoption. This would be: trying to control every aspect of the process, being an emotional wreck when things don't go your way, making those around you miserable just because you are, being beyond consumed with the planning and the dreaming of the child that will be yours, impatient, pleading with God to move things along - only to be so broken when things don't go your way that you aren't sure how to pick yourself up when it's all said and done. Pleasant.

The second extreme is what I have found myself living this adoption. It all came to my attention about three weeks ago. This extreme would be: emotionally removed, self-protecting, distant from the process, even more distant from allowing another child into my mothers heart; not able to even pray about the process, the timing, or the child because it was just too much to let it all in because after all - God was going to work this in His time no matter what I do or don't do, so being "guarded" is the safest way to go to remain sane and keep friends around. Joyful.

Thankfully, three weeks ago, this second extreme came crashing to the ground. We found out some information about our little Ugandan Sweetie that just broke me. My mothers heart for this little one came bursting through every crack in the wall that I had built. I realized all I was doing, I realized that I wasn't letting HER into my heart because I was so afraid of the hurt we endured when adopting Malachi happening all over again. What hurt? Well, to be honest - it came when we were facing court closures while adopting Malachi. I was so convinced that because Jesus loved me, because He loved Malachi, He would hear my prayers and bring us this child before courts closed. He didn't. We waited four extra months (very long months) to welcome him into our arms. I was left so confused. I didn't understand why God didn't just orchestrate things for us to have him home earlier rather than later. I D.R.E.A.D.E.D that emotion this time. I dreaded the doubting I knew still lingered in my heart from Malachi's adoption.

Oh the doubting. It doesn't take very long to do a BibleGateway search to find verse after verse about God answering our prayers, about God granting us the desires of our hearts, of God telling us He will answer if only we ask .... and ask in faith. So when He doesn't answer .... correction .... when He doesn't answer the way we (I) want Him to - was it Him being unfaithful, or was it my lack of faith in asking? And if I truly had the expectant faith of answered prayers, then surely it reflects HIS problem. But if I believe the Bible to be true, which I do, then it WASN'T His problem, it most certainly was my lack of faith that I just didn't realize existed. (Aren't you glad you don't have to live inside of my head??? Brutal.)

So this adoption I wanted to seem holier than I thought I was, so I labeled my doubting as "caution". In the name of Jesus and all things Calvinist (don't ask me what that means), I held firm to the truth that God was going to work this all together in HIS perfect timing no matter what I wanted or asked for. See, I had learned my lesson about control the first time around. None of this had anything to do with me. So I may as well go with the flow and wait on Him. This required no emotion, no prayer, no longing. Just waiting. Certainly I had become an expert at waiting.

Thankfully, God placed a wonderful friend in my life who had the privilege of me unloading all of this on. She graciously and lovingly corrected me after quietly listening. She reminded me that as this little one's mother, I had a RESPONSIBILITY to pray her home. Wow. For someone who is such an "advocate" of orphans, you'd think I would have understood this. My little Ugandan Sweetie has no voice. She needs a voice. I AM HER VOICE. So before the Throne I went. And into my heart she came.

I've ridden on the coat tail of the phrase that when asked why bad things happen to good people states:

"A better question to ask is, why do good things happen to bad people."

It sustains me ... through most things. However, since the adoption of Malachi when I could barely cling to this statement anymore because I was so confused about WHY God didn't answer our prayers the way we prayed, we've seen (and lived) some of the harshest times we've ever known. We've prayed for things, and have seen dear friends pray for things only to be let down in the end that God didn't answer the desired way. We've seen some cling to Him in response, we've watched others turn their backs as a result. I'm not talking about little things anymore like my adoption.  I'm talking about things like children having to shift to Glory before seeing this world. Moms and Dad having to watch children brutally suffer and in the end, pass from this world to the next...children much too young. Dads who were not healed, but instead taken to Glory leaving behind wife and children. Wombs left empty after years of prayers. Failed businesses. Crushed dreams. Marriages struggle....marriages end. Financial loss and burden far greater than what most of us will ever endure. Cancer. Death. 147 Million Orphans still not set in family.

In the face of these things, I say - God surely you are there. You say in your Word that you love your Children. You love family. You love marriage. You love the Orphans. You long to heal, to redeem. But sometimes you don't. So then what?

While my longing for our next child to be home before courts close pales in comparison to what I've just listed, it's what I face today. It feels at times more than my faith allows me to deal with, and at other times what I pray for the ability to prove my character with so that when harder days come - I'm ready. What is an extra couple months in the grand scheme of eternity if she doesn't make it home this summer? Nothing, I'm sure. But the grand scheme of things in my heart is very different at times. I want to pray in faith. I want to ask FULLY expecting God to work a miracle because He can....because I asked. But so did everyone else who I just talked about. So when it doesn't look like the mountains are moved, when it doesn't look like the expectant faithful prayers of His people are answered - what am I left to cling to?

This is what I cling to..... My prayers have very little to do with me. My faith-filled longings and requests have very little to do with me. At the end of the day - God's story unfolding before me is what will bring Him glory. Because it is His story. God's story - that He's allowing me to be a part of - is where His glory will be found. This has nothing to do with me. If he doesn't answer my prayers as prayed, it doesn't mean I lacked faith. It doesn't mean He didn't hear. It doesn't mean He wasn't faithful. No, it means that His ways are not mine, and that if I truly believe what he says - He WILL work all things together for good. Unlike the popular pop song - it's not because  "the rest is still unwritten" , it's because the "rest is not revealed." He's revealing it. We get to watch. We will get to sit on the other side one day in FULL glory seeing what He saw, and falling to our knees in praise for how He did it. (And in full repentance for our part in such a mess.) That is what I cling to.

So I come before the Throne, afraid and broken STILL of His answer, pleading for my daughter. Today I am her voice. Not because I'm tired of waiting. But for her. I ask He grant her family. Grant her health. Grant her love. And if she has to wait a few extra months - grant me grace. Grant her patience. May your name be known and praised. But God --- bring her home. With my mustard seed of faith, I ask this mountain to move.

We asked, you asked, and HE heard!!

Y'all are some serious prayer warriors! Thanks for being on our side!  We have been waiting on one piece of paper, and our entire affidavit. (For those who know adoption lingo - affidavit is the Ugandan term for dossier. For those who don't know adoption lingo - that is the term for our entire life in paper form. No really, our entire life. It is the compilation of papers that get sent to the officials in Uganda to petition for guardianship of one of their precious children.) We asked on Monday for prayer this week. Well... early in the week we heard the one piece of paper came in! A glimmer of hope! We continued to pray for the remainder of the paperwork (the affidavit) to come in by weeks end. Here it is .... Thursday night .... and IT CAME IN !!!! We are praising God for this!

So since you guys are such amazing prayer warriors, please continue to pray that we can be granted a court date before mid July.

Thanks for journeying with us! May all glory be to God!

Praying her home

We need your prayers. Our daughter needs your prayers.

These requests don't come from JUST an impatient Mama .... these requests come from a mother's heart breaking for her daughter who needs to get home.

As always, I can't share details, but I just need to ask that you would pray with us. We are not giving up hope of traveling for court this summer before court closures. But in order for this to happen, our paperwork needs to get finished and filed SOON. I feel like there are so many mountains in the way of us getting to our Uganda Sweetie by this summer that to be honest - it's hard to have the faith that it is really possible.

And yet I know it is ......

Matthew 17:20

  For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."



So please pray (specifically):
1) Paperwork to get finished THIS WEEK and filed ASAP
2) Pray for a court date to be given before July.
3) Continue to pray for her health.
4) Pray for this aching Mama's heart to find that mustard seed somewhere deep inside .... I know it's got to be there. 


I am committed to praying our little girl home .... will you join us?

Zeph 3:17

For some reason tonight, a poem written 2.5 years ago came to my mind. I dug it up. Here is the poem.

Zeph 3:17

darkened playhouse
small church in worship
indie music on stage
percussion clanging
guitars sagging
praises sung

together
in the worshiping shadows
stands one white Midwest mom
with one dark Ethiopian infant son

now located in Nebraska cold
cradled softly in glad mother’s
outstretched arms
eyes filled with wonder looking up
to absorb his mother’s song

voice above him
assuring arms beneath
held in love
unfamiliar yet at peace
marveling to listen at the foreign song
of adopted love rejoicing

This song was written by Tony Reinke, a man I'm somehow related to, but can never remember how. That's beside the point. He didn't know who I was. (So I'm certain I'm in the 3rd removed category or something.) He saw Malachi in my arms at our church back home (in Omaha). Malachi had only been home a short month or so. I actually remember the service vividly. Malachi was so content in my arms as I danced and sang in Worship. It was a sweet moment with him. He would look up at my singing lips and grin. He would clap at the end of songs. And at times he would just hold his hands in the air as I sang (mimicking his new crazy charismatic mama). When my dad alerted me to this poem, I found it delightful, voicing what I never could (or at least not as beautifully). It's this picture of singing over my son .... of the reminder that according to Zeph. 3:17, my heavenly Father sings over me. (Hopefully He sounds better!)

You know, Malachi still likes to climb into my arms while I'm singing. I like that.

This post is completely random. Like I said, it just came to my mind out of nowhere tonight. (I suppose most things come to me out of nowhere. It's truly fascinating.) But it did send my mind to the girl we've fallen in love with. A child waits in Uganda. We wait for her. We pray for her. We pray the gift of guardianship be granted to us SOON for her. But mostly, I pray the last stanza of the above poem be true for our Ugandan Sweetie. We already love her. We will be so unfamiliar. We pray she has peace. Our songs will be foreign. Yet we pray she rejoices in our love just the same.

held in love
unfamiliar yet at peace
marveling to listen at the foreign song
of adopted love rejoicing

Love and Hugs

Today I went to the website that had our Ugandan Sweetie listed on their Waiting Child List. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that her name was no longer on the list. I can't even explain how it made me feel to know that this one child....this one very precious child .... no longer had reason to be WAITING.

We've been receiving a few updates about our Ugandan Sweetie. It's been good for our hearts to hear what is progressing on the other side of the world to help make this all happen.

At the top of the list of priorities (for us) is that our Sweets needs to be told of the happenings in her near future. They will begin to introduce this idea of adoption to her, this idea of a new family - a new Dad, a new Mom, new siblings. And not just those things, but new color as well, new language ... ALL NEW. We awoke to an email this morning of an update of a recent conversation with our Sweets. We went back and forth between - "Oh, isn't that cute?", to "That just breaks my heart and makes me want to cry." Such is adoption, I suppose. Here is what we read:


"{mama at the orphanage} asked "Sweetie" about adoption and she said she would love to have a mzungu {white} mom and dad because they would love and hug her."

I don't care what color we are - the fact remains, she longs to be loved and hugged. Done !!!

Can you imagine how many children in this world are going to bed tonight without love? Without a hug? Have you ever thought about being the "mzungu Mom or Dad" to step in? No? Well, will you pray with me anyway?

There is an 8 year old, HIV+ boy at "Sweeties" home that is also in need of a home. I've recently started praying for him to not only be adopted, but to be adopted by someone that will be a part of our lives. I pray this for the benefit of our daughter and this boys hearts. How wonderful a thing to be near someone you knew on the other side of the ocean. How wonderful a thing to be near a familiar face, someone who gets where you are from. How wonderful a thing it will be to see one more child who has been waiting for a home - find one.

Here is what the director of our program was able to tell me about him:

"Mark" (not his real name, but rather his photolisting name) is about 8 years old. I met him in September. He's sooooo cute and giggly. Mark is a bit of a prankster. He LOVES being tickled. He really wants to be loved and cuddled but is shy about it at first. We played tag forever and he just stole my heart. Mark is HIV+, on ARV's and in good health. He is a double orphan living in small orphanage for HIV+ children. Interested families can email salem@adoptionadvocates.org

His picture can be seen on the Ordinary Hero's photolisting.  Interested families will need to contact OH for a password."

 

If you want more info about adopting a child living with HIV, please contact me. I will tell you what I know, but more than that - will point you toward people who know WAAAYYY more.

So okay, maybe it isn't you who will adopt "Mark". But again, will you pray with me for a family to come forward who WILL adopt him? Even more specifically - a family near our "Sweetie". I won't be picky though - a family anywhere will do. :) 

These little ones need someone to love and hug them. I finally decided, it's heartbreaking indeed.

It's a Girl !

It's a 6 year old girl at that! Yup! Remember in my last post that I told you I was hoping to inform you of some details soon? Well, here it is!

When we switched to the Uganda program, we knew we were changing to specifically pursue adopting this one girl. Well, on Monday our agency extended the "official referral" to us of this sweet, sweet little 6 yr old girl. (Sounds official, huh?) All that means is that we were able to review her entire file and decide if we wanted to proceed with adopting her or not. This is NOT a decision to be taken lightly, so we took a couple of days to really fast and pray about it. And today, I'm happy to announce .... WE SAID YES!! We would love to adopt this precious child!

So what's next ? Well, the Ugandan lawyer begins to process what is called an Affidavit. We then compile our Dossier - the remainder of the International paperwork (so backwards from every other country). That won't take long. It's a really short Dossier, and because we were already finished with our entire Dossier for Ethiopia, hopefully we already have whatever it is they will ask us for. (Each Dossier is different. They will ask different families for different things.) At that point, they file for a court date. We will have 2-4 weeks notice once the date is appointed, and we go! There will be two trips of 7-10 days, and only about two weeks in between the two trips. Because of this, we are praying about the possibility of me (Jody) staying in country the entire time (3-5 weeks total).

Unfortunately, I can't give any more details about her over the Internet right now. But the story of how God has worked in our hearts to lead us to her is a story I can't wait to tell. As for her story, well - we can't wait to find out more of her story, and graft her into ours. We are in awe that out of 150 million (give or take 10 million) Orphans in the world, God is leading us to this one.

We could use your prayers in several ways.
1) For her little heart. May she receive with excitement the news of being placed in a family - in our family. Pray that the feelings of confusion and loss are pushed aside as she instead feels the freedom to once again feel the hope of love, and family, and acceptance.
2) Pray for all of our hearts as we prepare to make room for one more in our family. There are of course a lot of practicalities that need to take place before she comes home as well - so you can pray for endurance for us all as we move rooms, sort clothes, paint walls, etc ... Pray especially for our 4 kids now, that they would grow in selflessness, as they will have to share Dad and Mom with one more little one.
3) And finally, please pray that her paperwork would be processed quickly, and that we would be able to bring her home THIS SUMMER before Court closures. Similar to Ethiopia, Ugandan courts shut down for a month or two. This happens usually from July to August ... but it could happen as early as June (and still last through August). Oh how I remember being in this same exact place of wondering if we'd squeeze in before court closures with Malachi. We didn't - and it was really, really hard for me. So I'm already praying for an extra measure of grace if we don't make it again this time.

This is all happening so fast, and yet we see the hand of God over every detail. We can't thank Him enough for his work, and are beyond blessed that He's entrusting us with one more life. We do not deserve such gifts, this I know.

It's Garage Sale Season!

One of my favorite times of the year ..... GARAGE SALE SEASON !!! Aaahhh, the joy of walking around someones yard or garage picking through the stuff they no longer want. Wondering why they ever had it in the first place. (And sniffing it repeatedly only to return to find the laundry detergent used if you are like this someone I know!) Only to decide that even though they no longer need it, I surely do! I love it!

When we were in the process of adopting Malachi, we had the worlds largest garage sale. I wish I would have contacted the Guinness Book of World Records. No one currently holds the title of hosting the largest garage sale, but even if they had, I'm certain we would have beat it.

A little walk down memory lane:
For over a month, we drove around collecting items from friends who were willing to donate their "junk". (Some of them were kind enough to bring it to us, too.) I spent hours tagging, sorting, tagging some more, and laughing at some of the many things that passed through my hands. I mean, really, does anyone even WANT a platter with a naughty picture painted on it? No one but the trash I decided. We filled our entire garage, half of our neighbors garage, our front porch and the side our our house with STUFF. It was so great! The day arrived, and here was the result: (the same neighbors were kind enough to let us take over their driveway the day of the sale as well!)

Over $2000 was raised that day. And the best part? We got to share with many passers by the joy of what we were doing .... adopting a child!

Well, we are nearing the end of this second adoption journey. Wait, what? Really? We are? Yes. Lord willing. More on that to come. I do apologize for remaining silent these last few weeks about the details. Waiting and paperwork and more waiting doesn't leave much for interesting blogging. But I'm praying to fill you in on the details this next week!

Anyway .... where was I? Oh yeah, we are nearing the end of this second adoption journey. And with that, we are trying to wrap up the needed expenses we will be facing with travel. Sooooo ..... we are now open for donations once again. Drop offs accepted, pick ups being scheduled, sorry - no cleaning services available. :)

If you would like to unload some of your unwanted items, would you remember us? If so, please let me know soon so I can swing by with the trusty van. (Oh, we are shooting for the first or second weekend of May for the big event. So there's plenty of time for that Spring Cleaning!) And don't worry. If you give me some risque item, I promise to wait two years to blog about.