I must say, this is the hardest post I have done yet. In all the emotions and thoughts and prayers, this one has been the biggest to date. Its been a few weeks since actual occurance. I've contemplated even putting this out there for anyone to view - but once again, for my own need to journal it - as well as all the lessons involved ... I figured it was time to voice this. Time to voice it to who? Probably to my own heart, which I tend to shut out of my daily life as much as possible.
Kalkidan. 7 months old. Orphan. HIV+.
We received an email from our adoption agency almost 4 weeks ago now in regards to this precious soul - Kalkidan. It was a mass email that went out to everyone who had their Dossier in Ethiopia already w/ AWAA (our agency). 52 families to be exact. The email asked if anyone would be willing to consider and pray over this girl with "special needs". Special needs meaning HIV. Aaron and I had agreed from day 1 that we would consider and pray over every child they sent our way. Even though we were requesting and desiring an infant healthy male - I always said that if they sent me a referral of a 10 year old AIDS girl, how could I say no? Well, here was that test. Turns out, out of those 52 families, only 3 responded stating that they would even consider it. How sad to us. They also were only allowing 1 family at a time to view her information. We were 3rd in line. This left us with almost 3 weeks to ponder. (The first family was a "no" after week 1. The 2nd family took 2 weeks to decide.)
So what took place during those 3 weeks? Torture....pure torture. No, really..... It was very difficult. We consulted a doctor (our pediatrician, who is also a man of God), an old friend who works with HIV/AIDS patients, our insurance agency, as well as many websites seeking any and all information. We always knew we had to remain open to an HIV+ child. Considering 1 out of 4 orphans were a result of AIDS, the chances of the orphaned child having HIV is definitely there. But now, to be presented with a known case of a child with HIV..... that we hadn't really considered. So many thoughts, so many considerations, so many emotions. Truth be told, we were incredibly uneducated in the matters of HIV/AIDS. To hear that here in the US, HIV and AIDS is no longer a death sentence, but a chronic illness (similar to Type2 Diabetes).... who knew? We have so many drugs available here in the US that can really hold HIV and AIDS at bay. Most people receiving proper care and nutrition, can live a normal healthy life with this disease .... even have children of their own. What a long way we've come in medicine. (Why can't we figure out a cure for the common cold, this is what I wonder? :) )
As I said, we also dug into our insurance company. How much would this cost us? We live in the suburbs in a new construction home - so the money tree isn't mature yet in our backyard. :) The average cost of medication for a child w/ HIV can range anywhere from $30 to thousands of dollars a month. Yes, you read that right. B/c we didn't have detailed information on her health, we were never really able to find out exactly how much it would cost in the immediate future. But still....the cost was still an issue. She would have to travel to Children's Hospital in Denver (one of the top pediatric HIV units in the country we found out) 2-4 times a year. This costs money. We would have to purchase whatever amount of meds necessary. This costs money. We would have to keep in mind that w/ a suppressed immune system, she would be more suseptible to illness - thus more meds and possible hospitalization. This all cost money. How? How are we supposed to care for a child of such needs? We are in the ministry for Pete's sake!!!!
This girl brought one of the biggest roller coasters of emotions I've ever been on. My mind is a scary place to visit, but this is what was happening...
How can we say no to this girl- she needs a mother to love her, to care for her, to provide the life she needs to live, and live well? On the other hand, I've got 3 kids to consider as is. They need a mother as well - one that is fully present, to provide the life they need to live...to live well. How can we come up w/ an average of $500 a month to provide for her medical expenses? On the other hand, God will provide. But then again, who's to say God would provide for us walking into something He hasn't called us to do. Why does God give those without the means ($$) to follow through, the heart to do such things? How do we know if He's called us to do this or not? One of the consequences of suffering is due to our poor choices. How is taking in an Orphan....any orphan a poor decision? What would this look like in the long run? Will insurance change drastically over the course of the next several years (or 18 to be exact), that once she is no longer under our care...will she be able to get the medical attention she needs? What about the possibility of infecting our kids? We know that in all likelihood, HIV is only contracted through intercourse or open wound to open wound. But kids get wounds -multiple wounds. I, as a mother, care for those wounds (and my hands ALWAYS have open wounds due to that darn Purell). Wouldn't God protect us? Wouldn't He provide for us? Would we tell people she had HIV? Of course we would. This is part of our life. We have been called, and have responded to live sacrificially. To a world who lives by the belief that, "My needs come first"....this goes against the grain. But then again, would He provide for something that wisdom spoke against? We wanted a boy. Was that name God spoke to me - Malachi - my own thinking? My own comfort (after all, we had room for a boy)? Was Malachi my telling God I would do this for Him.....but on MY terms? Could our marriage withstand the financial and emotional pressure? Would our 3 children we already have resent us (and Kalkidan) one day? Would our community support us? Would our family support us? Who cares if they support us - God is with us? How can we say no to this child? We are the 3rd and last family to consider her. If we don't take her, she will be sent back to the orphanage, and most likely die by the age of 3 - as there is no medicine readily available in Ethiopia for this disease? How do we say no? If we don't take her, who will? What if no one will? What if she dies without a mother and a father pointing her to Jesus? She needs Jesus. She is going to die. More certainly than us.... I say this meaning, here in the USA, we somehow think we don't have to go through this thing they call death. We are unfamiliar with death. We are unfamiliar with what comes after death. We live for today, and that is all that matters. But this sweet child will die... any day ... she has a disease that will in fact kill her. Somehow that must mean she needs Jesus more than our next door neighbor?!?!?!?!
After weeks of this turmoil, my mind and heart saying one thing - and then quickly another.... God revealed Himself in His usual fashion.....HUGE. Huge to me anyway. Here's what He spoke.
1) I'm selfish. I'm inpatient. I want Kalkidan because I don't want to wait for Malachi (this was actually the very last realization I came to). 2) I have this enormous hole to fill. I want to feel like I'm making a difference in this world. A big difference. This would do that, wouldn't it? But I've got 3 kids to consider. I can't put their lives, and the life of this poor orphan at stake to prove my need to make a difference. (This was one of the first realizations - which thankfully, I quickly realized was NOT why I was continuing to consider adopting Kalkidan.) 3) Yes, God does provide for our needs. But no, God doesn't always call us into every "noble" situation. 4) Just because I don't do it, doesn't mean no one else will. 5) Aaron has always viewed us adopting as our way of "living sacrificially". I nodded my head in a sense of being understanding and "Godly". When, in all reality, I just wanted another baby....and HATED being pregnant. Adoption seemed cool. After all, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were doing it. NOT the case. Every day I live sacrificially. In a society where most families have 2.5 children, Husband and Wife work to "make ends meet", and children are more of a pain and expense than a joy.... I stay home with our children to impress on them during the years that matter most - GOD loves them more than we do...and their whole life is due to His sovereign plan. This is sacrifice. Hard for me to understand even still...but it is. Especially here in good 'ol Boulder!
6 & 7 were this biggies for me.
6) God knows Kalkidan (I don't). He formed her in her mother's womb. He knit her together. She was uniquely made by Him. He hem's her in from behind and in front. He loves her more than I already had grown to - AND more than the mother whose womb He actually formed her in! He knows she's an orphan (and He is the one who called us to love the orphans). He knows she is HIV positive. He knows the very last breath she will ever take. He knows that we cannot take this girl into our family. He knows if she is part of His family or not. He loves her. He made her. (This lesson was huge for many reasons. The one I particularly want to detail is Aaron's cousin - Savannah. Savannah is a 15 year old girl who recently has been diagnosed w/ an in-opperable brain tumor. She is (despite a miracle) going to die. We found this out just a week before Kalkidan. How could God do such a thing? What if this were one of my kids? Wait... now He's presenting this option of it being my kid - a child w/ something that won't ever go away. A child that will die. Like I said, Savannah is 15. My kids are 7, 4, and 3. At any moment, God could say - okay, that's that. They are coming home to me, back where they belong. However now, I'm staring this possibility in the face. I would, most likely, outlive Kalkidan - a mothers worst nightmare.)
7) God is not a God of confussion, but a God of peace. There are many verses in the bible that speak to God as a God of peace. Our Prince of Peace. This was the very last revelation He made to me. I had no peace. I had no peace in any of the last 3 weeks. I had no peace in the idea of not taking her, and I certainly had no peace in the idea of taking her. I voiced this to Aaron in telling Him I had no peace in taking Kalkidan. His response was, "Well, do you have peace in not taking her?" And as best I could figure, I decided that I would rather NOT take her with no peace, than TAKE her with no peace. After all, our marriage and our children had to come first. Without peace.... I COULD NOT PUT THESE THINGS ON THE LINE.
So peace, peace is what I pursued over the next 24 hours. And peace I got. The more I recognized this lack of peace, the more I had it. The more I had it in letting Kalkidan go. I learned a similar lesson a couple of years ago through a dear family who lost their daughter... My children are the Lord's. Nothing I do, say, pray or think will change that fact. They belong to Him. He has chosen to share them with me in His lovingkindness. He can have them back whenever He wills. It's no different than Kalkidan. She is His. He will do with her as He pleases. The burden of Her life did not depend on me. The burden of her health did not depend on me. But most importantly, the burden of her salvation did not depend on me. She belongs to the Lord God Almighty. Maker of Heaven and Earth. Creator of the universe. He's placed the stars in the sky and He calls them by name. He knows the lillies of the field. He knows the sparrows. He knows the Orphans. He knows the hairs on my head. He knows Me. He knows.... It ALL belongs to Him. I cannot change that. Thank you Lord, I cannot change that!
We decided, well, actually - I decided...that Kalkidan was not going to be ours. Once this Peace thing came into place, I was okay with her not being ours. I told Aaron that I would keep an open mind to the situation. IF her information got to us, I would once again consider it and pray over it. But until then - I couldn't keep trying to base my decision on "what if's". I was open.
Well, as God always does - He took care of things. We didn't have to decide. After 2 weeks of prayer and consideration, the 2nd family viewing her information decided to adopt Kalkidan. Praise God for good people in this world willing to sacrifice for the sake of His name. Say a prayer for this family, and for precious Kalkidan. May she come to know the Lord who saved her..... not man... or mother.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
From the mouth of Babes...
Providence, Eden and Sam are of course a big part of this journey. Being that a new child in the family will drastically effect their little worlds, we figured we should include them from the very beginning. Along the way, they have said, prayed and asked some of the cutest things. Such innocence. I must say, however, that it has been hard to explain the time line to the kids. Then again, it's hard to explain the time line to myself. (We told them all along that Malachi was coming after Christmas (of '07), as that was our best guess. The closer it got to Christmas, the more they talked about Malachi coming after Christmas. It dawned on me that they really were probably thinking that meant Dec. 26th. Once we figured that out, we slowly started preparing them for a little longer time frame - maybe Easter?!?!?!) I sort of compare it to pregnancy. You tell a child you are pregnant, and somewhere around the 6th or 7th month time frame, I think that they begin disbelief and rather just think you are getting fat. :) (For me, that was more like month 2.) Well, although there is no excuse for weight gain with an adoption, some days I wonder if that disbelief has set in just the same. If it hasn't, it's another God thing. There are certainly days that I think they still get it. Those are some of the moments I want to share.
Providence prays often for you to "be found". She prays for you to be safe and healthy and warm. She is quick to inform us that there are 6 people in our family, not 5. Even tonight, Aaron was playing wrestle with the kids and stated, "It's a Britton sandwich". Provi replied - "nu-uh, we are missing one" ...meaning you, Malachi. In fact, Provi was perhaps a little prophet before this process began. Upon getting a new kitchen table (when Provi was 5), she counted all the chairs. Realizing that there were 6 chairs, she told us that we needed another kid in the family. We asked her why, and she replied telling us "because there is an extra seat at the table". She talks to her classmates and teachers all the time about "her little brother that lives in Africa". When she draws pictures of the family, you are already included. And most recently, she has begun telling people that we are getting a boy and a girl - siblings - from Ethiopia. Prophet, or eavesdropper ??? Huh. She says she can't wait to hold you, and what a big help she will be with "this baby". After all, she says she's ready to start babysitting. (She's 7 1/2 at the moment.) I guess maybe she does get it still.
Then there is Eden. One can never really know what is spinning around in Eden's head - until the moment she says it that is...which is usually the moment right after thinking it. In other words, she processes her thoughts out loud, and immediately upon thinking them. Very funny. And even though she tells me often that I look like I have a baby in my tummy, I'm pretty sure she knows you aren't coming from my tummy. :) I've already spoken of her greatest moment ever in all of this - referring to you as a "baby with dots" rather than an adopted baby. I still laugh at that. But she prays for you often as well. She tells us she wants you to be like Addie, and Noah (children of some friends). We told her that you were going to look more like Tido (her baby doll that is dark skinned). She didn't like that. We started getting a bit concerned. Until we realized how she was interpreting that. Tido is a doll but Addie and Noah are real, small, cute, and funny. She says she wants you to be tiny though. It took some working through, but I think we understand her. Not that she understands us, but oh well. Just the same - she "can't wait for Malachi", and is very sad that you don't get to sleep in her room. Of all the kids, she is the one who I think is most often in disbelief of you ever really coming home (mostly b/c she says, "you keep saying that" in regards to saying you are coming home).
Last - Sam. Your big brother. He told us tonight out of nowhere that you were coming before he turned 4 (which is May 26th). We hope he is right! He prays for you to be safe also. He knows that you will share his room. The girls got bunk beds recently, and he knows he's getting some too once you are here. This, he is very thrilled about. He says, "when Malachi comes, I get a cars bunk bed". Don't count on that. :) He wants a boy to wrestle with during the day because "boys are for wrestling, and mommy is for cuddling". Must get very boring during the day just cuddling with mom. Sam does talk about you often, and also asks a lot of questions (like if you will be able to read when you are big like daddy, or if you will play football with him and daddy when you are big). He is still pretty young though, so who knows what he's thinking about the process. One thing is for sure - he's ready to share his room with his brother.
The only other thing I can think to share about our conversations with the kids about you - is what you will look like. In an effort to continue to prepare them for the fact that you will not look like us, I asked the kids what they thought you would look like. They decided that you are going to have small ears (like Mommy), big eyes (like Provi), little lips (like Eden), a big nose (like Daddy), and tall (like Sammy). We'll see.... :)
One thing is for sure - you are already loved by your family... Dad, Mom, Provi, Eden & Sam.
Providence prays often for you to "be found". She prays for you to be safe and healthy and warm. She is quick to inform us that there are 6 people in our family, not 5. Even tonight, Aaron was playing wrestle with the kids and stated, "It's a Britton sandwich". Provi replied - "nu-uh, we are missing one" ...meaning you, Malachi. In fact, Provi was perhaps a little prophet before this process began. Upon getting a new kitchen table (when Provi was 5), she counted all the chairs. Realizing that there were 6 chairs, she told us that we needed another kid in the family. We asked her why, and she replied telling us "because there is an extra seat at the table". She talks to her classmates and teachers all the time about "her little brother that lives in Africa". When she draws pictures of the family, you are already included. And most recently, she has begun telling people that we are getting a boy and a girl - siblings - from Ethiopia. Prophet, or eavesdropper ??? Huh. She says she can't wait to hold you, and what a big help she will be with "this baby". After all, she says she's ready to start babysitting. (She's 7 1/2 at the moment.) I guess maybe she does get it still.
Then there is Eden. One can never really know what is spinning around in Eden's head - until the moment she says it that is...which is usually the moment right after thinking it. In other words, she processes her thoughts out loud, and immediately upon thinking them. Very funny. And even though she tells me often that I look like I have a baby in my tummy, I'm pretty sure she knows you aren't coming from my tummy. :) I've already spoken of her greatest moment ever in all of this - referring to you as a "baby with dots" rather than an adopted baby. I still laugh at that. But she prays for you often as well. She tells us she wants you to be like Addie, and Noah (children of some friends). We told her that you were going to look more like Tido (her baby doll that is dark skinned). She didn't like that. We started getting a bit concerned. Until we realized how she was interpreting that. Tido is a doll but Addie and Noah are real, small, cute, and funny. She says she wants you to be tiny though. It took some working through, but I think we understand her. Not that she understands us, but oh well. Just the same - she "can't wait for Malachi", and is very sad that you don't get to sleep in her room. Of all the kids, she is the one who I think is most often in disbelief of you ever really coming home (mostly b/c she says, "you keep saying that" in regards to saying you are coming home).
Last - Sam. Your big brother. He told us tonight out of nowhere that you were coming before he turned 4 (which is May 26th). We hope he is right! He prays for you to be safe also. He knows that you will share his room. The girls got bunk beds recently, and he knows he's getting some too once you are here. This, he is very thrilled about. He says, "when Malachi comes, I get a cars bunk bed". Don't count on that. :) He wants a boy to wrestle with during the day because "boys are for wrestling, and mommy is for cuddling". Must get very boring during the day just cuddling with mom. Sam does talk about you often, and also asks a lot of questions (like if you will be able to read when you are big like daddy, or if you will play football with him and daddy when you are big). He is still pretty young though, so who knows what he's thinking about the process. One thing is for sure - he's ready to share his room with his brother.
The only other thing I can think to share about our conversations with the kids about you - is what you will look like. In an effort to continue to prepare them for the fact that you will not look like us, I asked the kids what they thought you would look like. They decided that you are going to have small ears (like Mommy), big eyes (like Provi), little lips (like Eden), a big nose (like Daddy), and tall (like Sammy). We'll see.... :)
One thing is for sure - you are already loved by your family... Dad, Mom, Provi, Eden & Sam.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Oh, to wait for yet another day
Today is a challenging day for me. I'm seeming to have more and more of these kind of days. I wake up in the morning (much later than I had hoped to), and find that I don't want to do anything. Anything but surf the internet looking for beautiful children from Ethiopia, reading about their culture and lifestyles (which I'm doing in an AMAZING book called There Is No Me Without You - highly recommend it), and checking email every 10 minutes hoping that today will be the day we get a referral. It probably won't be though.
I just can't seem to bring myself to do the other things I should be doing though. This is why I figured I may as well write about it, since it's consuming every other part of me at the moment. I know there is always meaning and purpose and lessons in the midst of waiting for things. But I still am no good at it. Lord willing, it won't be much longer.
I got to hold a newborn baby yesterday. Only about a week old. (Oooh, it's all her fault I'm feeling like this! :) ) A wave of emotions came over me as I thought to myself - this could be the size and/or age of Malachi right now. Maybe he's just being born. How exciting! Sadly though, he won't have his mother's arms to hold him, and feed him, and kiss him.... he won't have a mother. He's an orphan. Oh how I can't wait to hold him, feed him, kiss him --- to be his Maye (mommy).
So, I'm off - to do some laundry, clean some dishes, pick up toys ... oh, but most important, love on the babies He's already graciously given.
I just can't seem to bring myself to do the other things I should be doing though. This is why I figured I may as well write about it, since it's consuming every other part of me at the moment. I know there is always meaning and purpose and lessons in the midst of waiting for things. But I still am no good at it. Lord willing, it won't be much longer.
I got to hold a newborn baby yesterday. Only about a week old. (Oooh, it's all her fault I'm feeling like this! :) ) A wave of emotions came over me as I thought to myself - this could be the size and/or age of Malachi right now. Maybe he's just being born. How exciting! Sadly though, he won't have his mother's arms to hold him, and feed him, and kiss him.... he won't have a mother. He's an orphan. Oh how I can't wait to hold him, feed him, kiss him --- to be his Maye (mommy).
So, I'm off - to do some laundry, clean some dishes, pick up toys ... oh, but most important, love on the babies He's already graciously given.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
If I had a Million Dollars...I'd be rich.
I miss that song.
Seriously though, the money is huge with adoption. The typical Ethiopian adoption ranges anywhere from $17- $25 k. Ouch. (As of November for new people, it's gone up to $25-$30 - gulp.) One of the biggest reasons we drug our feet at the beginning was money. We didn't have it. But we figured, "who does"? So, as soon as we had enough to begin, we began - trusting that God would provide the money. After all, He called us to do this ... which means He would provide. Boy, what I've had to learn that means!! But we figured this is how most people did it, and it worked out for them, right? Wrong. We've had so many people tell us what faith it took for us to go into this w/o the funding in place. he he. God is funny to me. So the truth is, some have it, some don't. We didn't. (One thing worth mentioning, is my home based business. I really thought that it was just going to grow and flourish and be the means to adopt. God had some different ideas though.)
We applied immediately for some grants -- none of which we received for various reasons. We were able to make it through the first part pretty smooth aw we did have most of the money needed. I do remember one situation with the home study though. We were $500 short of what we needed. So we continued to pray for God to provide. And the coolest thing happened (which I soon realized was going to be a pattern). When it came time for payout - I came home from the store one day and found a letter on my doorstep. A dear friend of mine (who I have to add was a missionary and thus in the process of raising their own funds), left me a letter w/ a $500 check enclosed. WOW. She said they felt God impressing on them to do this for us. Now if that isn't God at work, I don't know what is.
So then you'd think that would have been enough for me to feel confident that we would have the money needed. Oh no.... not this doubting heart. It quickly resorted to it's sinful humanness. (Is that a word?) We had a few months to come up w/ almost $5000, as that was the lump sum we needed for submitting our Dossier. A family at our church approached us stating they wanted to help by putting together a fundraising event for us. We all decided on a benefit luncheon. So I made up cute little invites, they found a caterer, and everything was in place. We really felt positive that this would be what brought in a large sum of money for us. One of the social workers at one point told us that it would be selfish of us to try and pay for this on our own. Our child is going to effect our community, and thus we needed to include them in this process - largely in a financial way. After all, not everyone is called to actually adopt - but we are all instructed in scripture to help widow's and orphans. This is one opportunity for those who don't want to adopt to still live this out. Okay... that makes sense. But then the RSVP's started coming in. Looks like God had a different plan AGAIN. What though?
For weeks we prayed and prayed - even our kids would pray, "God, help us get enough money to buy Malachi". :) (Oh, side thought while on the prayers of our children for the adoption. At the very beginning of the process shortly after explaining it to our kids - our middle child, Eden prayed the cutest thing ever. She was only 3 at the time. Here is how she translated us asking her to pray for God to give us enough money to adopt a baby - her prayer was "God, help us to have enough money to get a baby with dots." Get it? Adopt - Dot's? I love it!!!!) Anyway, I was able to take a night away into the mountains on my own. This was such a sweet time for me. I was able to sing (my songs, not Veggie Tales), pray, and worship for 4 hours in the car alone (8 round trip). Plus I had much time to pray and reflect on my own. I really felt like I was at a point of desperation. Aside from the money issue, I just was feeling so anxious about all the silly things I grow anxious about. It was suffocating. I remember just sitting there and asking God for relief. I trusted Him, and knew He would provide. And for all I knew...He was planning to drag it out to the very last moment. But I still asked for relief....something, anything. It was a good trip and I went home very refreshed.
Well that relief came ...and not in small doses either. Within a week of coming home, a family who knew we were adopting (but amazingly doesn't really know us) sent a check for $5000. Jaws dropped, we thanked the Lord God - giver of all things. I'm not doing this part of the process justice at all. To be honest, the money has been one of the hardest most trying things for me (and the most emotional). Like I said at the beginning, I knew God was going to provide since He called us - but I didn't realize what it really meant to cling to that faith and that belief and live it out....live it well even. I can't really describe it much better - I wish I could. Maybe something creative will come to me later and I will write more. But first I'll tell you one more story.
We misunderstood the remaining amount of money after the Dossier. We thought we only had travel expenses left to come up with. We found out though that we had to pay a chunk to Ethiopia upon accepting a referral of a child. What??? More money? How did we miss this? All that was left in the bank, put us about $1000 off from what we would need. Once again, I began to panic. We definitely wanted to be sure that we had that money so we could accept a referral when it came (which could have been as soon as 2 months). I didn't panic as much as before, as I was still riding the high from the $5k. And guess what? He proved Himself again. In a christmas card from some dear friends...was a $1000 check. They also stated that they felt God leading them to give this, and that they were sorry it had taken them so long to get it to us. (Hadn't been long to us, we didn't know they were feeling that.)
So here we are - needing about $6 - $7 more for travel. And guess what? I'm not at all worried. I have complete confidence that God, in his funny and sovereign ways, will provide!
Checks can be mailed to......... ha ha
Seriously though, the money is huge with adoption. The typical Ethiopian adoption ranges anywhere from $17- $25 k. Ouch. (As of November for new people, it's gone up to $25-$30 - gulp.) One of the biggest reasons we drug our feet at the beginning was money. We didn't have it. But we figured, "who does"? So, as soon as we had enough to begin, we began - trusting that God would provide the money. After all, He called us to do this ... which means He would provide. Boy, what I've had to learn that means!! But we figured this is how most people did it, and it worked out for them, right? Wrong. We've had so many people tell us what faith it took for us to go into this w/o the funding in place. he he. God is funny to me. So the truth is, some have it, some don't. We didn't. (One thing worth mentioning, is my home based business. I really thought that it was just going to grow and flourish and be the means to adopt. God had some different ideas though.)
We applied immediately for some grants -- none of which we received for various reasons. We were able to make it through the first part pretty smooth aw we did have most of the money needed. I do remember one situation with the home study though. We were $500 short of what we needed. So we continued to pray for God to provide. And the coolest thing happened (which I soon realized was going to be a pattern). When it came time for payout - I came home from the store one day and found a letter on my doorstep. A dear friend of mine (who I have to add was a missionary and thus in the process of raising their own funds), left me a letter w/ a $500 check enclosed. WOW. She said they felt God impressing on them to do this for us. Now if that isn't God at work, I don't know what is.
So then you'd think that would have been enough for me to feel confident that we would have the money needed. Oh no.... not this doubting heart. It quickly resorted to it's sinful humanness. (Is that a word?) We had a few months to come up w/ almost $5000, as that was the lump sum we needed for submitting our Dossier. A family at our church approached us stating they wanted to help by putting together a fundraising event for us. We all decided on a benefit luncheon. So I made up cute little invites, they found a caterer, and everything was in place. We really felt positive that this would be what brought in a large sum of money for us. One of the social workers at one point told us that it would be selfish of us to try and pay for this on our own. Our child is going to effect our community, and thus we needed to include them in this process - largely in a financial way. After all, not everyone is called to actually adopt - but we are all instructed in scripture to help widow's and orphans. This is one opportunity for those who don't want to adopt to still live this out. Okay... that makes sense. But then the RSVP's started coming in. Looks like God had a different plan AGAIN. What though?
For weeks we prayed and prayed - even our kids would pray, "God, help us get enough money to buy Malachi". :) (Oh, side thought while on the prayers of our children for the adoption. At the very beginning of the process shortly after explaining it to our kids - our middle child, Eden prayed the cutest thing ever. She was only 3 at the time. Here is how she translated us asking her to pray for God to give us enough money to adopt a baby - her prayer was "God, help us to have enough money to get a baby with dots." Get it? Adopt - Dot's? I love it!!!!) Anyway, I was able to take a night away into the mountains on my own. This was such a sweet time for me. I was able to sing (my songs, not Veggie Tales), pray, and worship for 4 hours in the car alone (8 round trip). Plus I had much time to pray and reflect on my own. I really felt like I was at a point of desperation. Aside from the money issue, I just was feeling so anxious about all the silly things I grow anxious about. It was suffocating. I remember just sitting there and asking God for relief. I trusted Him, and knew He would provide. And for all I knew...He was planning to drag it out to the very last moment. But I still asked for relief....something, anything. It was a good trip and I went home very refreshed.
Well that relief came ...and not in small doses either. Within a week of coming home, a family who knew we were adopting (but amazingly doesn't really know us) sent a check for $5000. Jaws dropped, we thanked the Lord God - giver of all things. I'm not doing this part of the process justice at all. To be honest, the money has been one of the hardest most trying things for me (and the most emotional). Like I said at the beginning, I knew God was going to provide since He called us - but I didn't realize what it really meant to cling to that faith and that belief and live it out....live it well even. I can't really describe it much better - I wish I could. Maybe something creative will come to me later and I will write more. But first I'll tell you one more story.
We misunderstood the remaining amount of money after the Dossier. We thought we only had travel expenses left to come up with. We found out though that we had to pay a chunk to Ethiopia upon accepting a referral of a child. What??? More money? How did we miss this? All that was left in the bank, put us about $1000 off from what we would need. Once again, I began to panic. We definitely wanted to be sure that we had that money so we could accept a referral when it came (which could have been as soon as 2 months). I didn't panic as much as before, as I was still riding the high from the $5k. And guess what? He proved Himself again. In a christmas card from some dear friends...was a $1000 check. They also stated that they felt God leading them to give this, and that they were sorry it had taken them so long to get it to us. (Hadn't been long to us, we didn't know they were feeling that.)
So here we are - needing about $6 - $7 more for travel. And guess what? I'm not at all worried. I have complete confidence that God, in his funny and sovereign ways, will provide!
Checks can be mailed to......... ha ha
The Process
I'm not certain that I will be able to detail the process of adoption very well. It's all a blur already -mostly b/c it was a complete blur along the way. :) So, here's what I can tell you -
We applied to our agency, got accepted. We were then sent a packet full of information and paperwork to begin filling out. The paperwork side of it was called the "Dossier". I'll refer to this again (probably several times). We had to apply with immigration, get a backround check, and fingerprints done. These 3 things were all time sensitive. So once we did those - there was no turning back.
We did a lot of that Dossier paperwork within the first few weeks of receiving it. It was made up of several financial statements, doctor letters and physicals, insurance papers (health and life), reference letters from friends, work information, personal "safety" questionare, birth and marriage certificates (new ones, not original), blah blah blah. Sounds like a blast, huh? Everything then had to be notarized. Thankfully, one of the secretaries at the church was a notary, so we were able to do that fairly easy. Mostly, it was a lot to fill out, a lot of duplicating, copying, then saving for later. We also had to have a home study done. We had to have a local agency do this to be sure we followed CO law. Nothing like having a complete stranger come into your home, ask you very private and specific questions. :) We had to meet w/ them several times, as well as take a parenting class. We jokingly wondered if it would still count if we taught a parenting class. :) We know there is always more to learn though. It did prove to be helpful though, as they outlined a lot of adoption issues that we have obviously never had to face w/ 3 biological children.
I think I'll be done w/ the boring details. As most of the rest of that period involved mailing, re mailing, certifying w/ the government, yada yada yada. Also, a lot of a "hurry up and wait".
The most exciting part to date with the adoption was completing our Dossier and sending it to Virginia for them to put the final touches on. We did this the second week of December as that was the deadline to get it on it's way to Ethiopia before the end of the year. All but one paper was done correct, and even it was an easy fix. So sure enough, it made it on it's way to Ethiopia by the end of the second week of December. They told us to expect 3-4 weeks for it to get there and signed for by the agency there. They gave us a tracking number, which we didn't check until Jan 1 for the sake of sanity. Turns out, it made record time getting there and was picked up on Dec. 25th. Merry Christmas!
Now the real wait begins. There isn't much we can do (other than fundraising). We just wait for Malachi. I love it - waiting is my specialty. (Those who know me are cracking up right now.) This detail of it made it sound easier than it was. It took almost a year for all of the above listed to be done. It never seemed too terribly hard for us though. We sensed that a lot of people have a hard time with the "process" of adoption. For us (two left-brained musicians), it was just more annoying than anything else. :) However, we'd take the "paper-pregnancy" (this is often what it's referred to) over one of my difficult pregnancies. :)
Ah, the process..... it's over!!!
We applied to our agency, got accepted. We were then sent a packet full of information and paperwork to begin filling out. The paperwork side of it was called the "Dossier". I'll refer to this again (probably several times). We had to apply with immigration, get a backround check, and fingerprints done. These 3 things were all time sensitive. So once we did those - there was no turning back.
We did a lot of that Dossier paperwork within the first few weeks of receiving it. It was made up of several financial statements, doctor letters and physicals, insurance papers (health and life), reference letters from friends, work information, personal "safety" questionare, birth and marriage certificates (new ones, not original), blah blah blah. Sounds like a blast, huh? Everything then had to be notarized. Thankfully, one of the secretaries at the church was a notary, so we were able to do that fairly easy. Mostly, it was a lot to fill out, a lot of duplicating, copying, then saving for later. We also had to have a home study done. We had to have a local agency do this to be sure we followed CO law. Nothing like having a complete stranger come into your home, ask you very private and specific questions. :) We had to meet w/ them several times, as well as take a parenting class. We jokingly wondered if it would still count if we taught a parenting class. :) We know there is always more to learn though. It did prove to be helpful though, as they outlined a lot of adoption issues that we have obviously never had to face w/ 3 biological children.
I think I'll be done w/ the boring details. As most of the rest of that period involved mailing, re mailing, certifying w/ the government, yada yada yada. Also, a lot of a "hurry up and wait".
The most exciting part to date with the adoption was completing our Dossier and sending it to Virginia for them to put the final touches on. We did this the second week of December as that was the deadline to get it on it's way to Ethiopia before the end of the year. All but one paper was done correct, and even it was an easy fix. So sure enough, it made it on it's way to Ethiopia by the end of the second week of December. They told us to expect 3-4 weeks for it to get there and signed for by the agency there. They gave us a tracking number, which we didn't check until Jan 1 for the sake of sanity. Turns out, it made record time getting there and was picked up on Dec. 25th. Merry Christmas!
Now the real wait begins. There isn't much we can do (other than fundraising). We just wait for Malachi. I love it - waiting is my specialty. (Those who know me are cracking up right now.) This detail of it made it sound easier than it was. It took almost a year for all of the above listed to be done. It never seemed too terribly hard for us though. We sensed that a lot of people have a hard time with the "process" of adoption. For us (two left-brained musicians), it was just more annoying than anything else. :) However, we'd take the "paper-pregnancy" (this is often what it's referred to) over one of my difficult pregnancies. :)
Ah, the process..... it's over!!!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Our Decision to Adopt
It's hard to state when it was that we really felt "called" to adopt. We both have talked about adoption being in our family "one day" from the time we were engaged. But then we kept getting pregnant... hehe. I have incredibly difficult pregnancies, and they seemed to be getting worse. So much that with our third child, the doctor was pleading w/ me at one of my final appointments to take drastic measures after birth to never get pregnant again. Can't be a good sign.
Well, fast forward 2 years.... we thought we were done growing our family. However, summer of '06, we were itching for another babe. We still thought we'd adopt ONE DAY...way down the line. I thought I wanted "just one more biological child". HAH. What I want is never usually the plan - and for good reason at that. While at GMA in the Rockies (yes, my husband is a rock star), Steven Curtis Chapman was speaking about adoption. I didn't really hear much of what he said though, as for the fact that one of the only times in my life - I honestly believe I heard God audibly speaking to me that we were to begin the adoption process, and that it was selfish of me to try to grow our family any other way. We had already talked sometime before that Africa would be where we would adopt from. We both are bleeding hearts for the desperation in Africa due to poverty and especially HIV/AIDS. I also felt God prompting me that this meant I HAD to be open to a child w/ HIV. (This comes into play much later.)
Well, it took us the next the next 5 months to find an adoption agency we wanted to use, and actually act on that calling. So, in January of '07, we did it. We submitted our application to America World. ( www.AWAA.org ) And the ride began.
One last little tidbit though... The night before submitting the application - I asked Aaron (my husband) what we would name another son (we were requesting an infant boy from Ethiopia in our application). And for the second time, really felt like I "heard" God speaking. (kinda silly, huh?) The name Malachi came to mind. I told that name to Aaron. He of course liked it b/c there is a professional football player named "Chi", which would obviously be his nickname. (For those of you who don't know us, we've been big on naming our children before we knew them, basing it on the meaning of their names, and ALWAYS picking a nickname ahead of time. Very important.) Well, I immediately went and looked up what Malachi meant in the Bible. It means "God's Messenger". "Malachi's word confronts a people skeptical of the promises of God and therefore indifferent in their commitment to live in the light of those promises and to worship and serve the Lord with all their hearts." -R.C. Sproul - Anyway, seemed fitting for a child coming in to the "Worship Pastor's" family. :) I love it when God does that.
Okay, so I know my postings are longer than an average posting I've seen...but once again, this is sort of serving as my journal too. Sorry.
Well, fast forward 2 years.... we thought we were done growing our family. However, summer of '06, we were itching for another babe. We still thought we'd adopt ONE DAY...way down the line. I thought I wanted "just one more biological child". HAH. What I want is never usually the plan - and for good reason at that. While at GMA in the Rockies (yes, my husband is a rock star), Steven Curtis Chapman was speaking about adoption. I didn't really hear much of what he said though, as for the fact that one of the only times in my life - I honestly believe I heard God audibly speaking to me that we were to begin the adoption process, and that it was selfish of me to try to grow our family any other way. We had already talked sometime before that Africa would be where we would adopt from. We both are bleeding hearts for the desperation in Africa due to poverty and especially HIV/AIDS. I also felt God prompting me that this meant I HAD to be open to a child w/ HIV. (This comes into play much later.)
Well, it took us the next the next 5 months to find an adoption agency we wanted to use, and actually act on that calling. So, in January of '07, we did it. We submitted our application to America World. ( www.AWAA.org ) And the ride began.
One last little tidbit though... The night before submitting the application - I asked Aaron (my husband) what we would name another son (we were requesting an infant boy from Ethiopia in our application). And for the second time, really felt like I "heard" God speaking. (kinda silly, huh?) The name Malachi came to mind. I told that name to Aaron. He of course liked it b/c there is a professional football player named "Chi", which would obviously be his nickname. (For those of you who don't know us, we've been big on naming our children before we knew them, basing it on the meaning of their names, and ALWAYS picking a nickname ahead of time. Very important.) Well, I immediately went and looked up what Malachi meant in the Bible. It means "God's Messenger". "Malachi's word confronts a people skeptical of the promises of God and therefore indifferent in their commitment to live in the light of those promises and to worship and serve the Lord with all their hearts." -R.C. Sproul - Anyway, seemed fitting for a child coming in to the "Worship Pastor's" family. :) I love it when God does that.
Okay, so I know my postings are longer than an average posting I've seen...but once again, this is sort of serving as my journal too. Sorry.
Why I'm doing this blog thing...
So, I've decided to begin a blog of our adoption journey. "Why", asks my husband Aaron. While it is true that we communicate with most people we know regarding our adoption, I feel like there is so much that is left. There are only so many hours in the day to share with all our family and friends all that is happening. And as hard as I try, I know I still fail to tell it all. Plus, I have been so blessed to read the blogs of others who are in this process as well. So who knows, maybe someone will stumble upon this and be blessed by it. And if not, if only for my own journaling (which is much needed for me to remain sane).....well good enough. Although I'm sure that at least my parents will read this -- so "Hi Mom and Dad"! :)
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